Embrace Global Warming...its your friend!

Some say that global warming is dangerous, scary and downright not good for the future of humankind. I on the other hand say global warming rocks! It was 60 degrees and sunny yesterday in the Cincinnati region. 60 degrees and sunny in January! How can anyone say that's a bad thing? Sure, the increased temperature of the ocean may cause the hurricane season to be the reason we abandon the coastline...but with the melting of the polar ice cap, which will result in rising oceans, those coast lines were useless anyway. I for one would like to see the movie, Day After Tomorrow, come true. How awesome would it be to be trapped with both Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid in a situation where you have to huddle together for heat? Hello! Clearly, Global Warming is a fantastic phenomenon that will lead to more sunny days in January and the need to use Jake for warmth.

*Photo by Takashi Seida - © 2004 Twentieth Century Fox. All rights reserved

Down with New Years!

New years resolutions are designed to increase your guilt throughout the year. I am certain of this. Everyone gets so excited about the prospect of a new year with all of its inherent possibilities. Lets face it---you are not going to go to the gym three times a week, you are not going to stop smoking, and you will not watch less TV. Being lazy, fat, and self-destructive is what being an American is all about. Perhaps monthly resolutions would work better. I might work out around the summer months when the threat of a swimsuit is quite real, but come December I will most likely sit on my butt the entire month and that’s ok! We don’t have to be perfect all the dang time. I for one am tired of feeling guilty when I fail to maintain a new years resolution! Down with the new years resolution. Boo! Boo! I am working on a catchy theme song for this topic… more later